This Just Makes Me Angry

I am just so angry that you would really do that. You honestly have no idea what you have done to me either. You have no idea that you messed up my plans for the future, kind of (i probably would have chickened out). Still. I just want to wring your neck. You think that you are little miss perfectt and life revolves around you. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that because I know some things don't work out how you want them too. Seriously though, you can't just force people into doing what you want. And people shouldn't do what you want because you tell them to. People should just tell you know. I want to yell at you and tell you quite a bit of things, but that would just mess up my life even more. I am going to do things my way, which means not telling guys I like them, and pretending that they might, just maybe, make the first move, and pretend things will work out, and that I won't be a huge loner, and I will have guys looking at me and wanting to be with me, but that will never happen. Because once you get a reputation, i.e. a nerd or something, you are stuck being that person and nothing you do can ever change that. Unless you turn into a slut. Oh well.

Also, I hate it when a friend won't tell me who asked something about me. I'm not going to confront them. I just want to know.

Life is Starting to Make Sense Again

Okay, so before I have seemed really depressed and stuff. Which I really was. No one, I feel, can really know what they are thinking or actually feeling. The human mind is such a complicated thing. We feel like we know what we are feeling is for sure, but in all actuality, we have no freaking idea what we want. That is one of the most scariest things, I feel, about being human. I was so sure I had used this person, subconsciously, but I actually feel like it was something else entirely. I have been watching How I Met Your Mother (side note: it is a great freaking show) and there is this concept they use, Pulling a Ted Mosby. In the beginning episodes of this show the main character Ted Mosby meets this girl named Robin. They have one great date and he is so sure that he loves her that he tells her. This obviously scares her off. Now Robin really liked Ted, but after he said that, she stopped having any feelings for him. That is what I feel happened to me. I feel I actually liked this guy, and then he dropped the "L" word and I started thinking. I thought so much I became "in love" with my best friend again. I have gotten closure from all of that though, also I am hoping to become friends with this one guy, because he is a nice guy, but not what I'm looking for right now.


I know I feel like for a couple minutes I feel like I have everything worked out. I want to volunteer abroad after I graduate high school, but before college and stuff. I just feel like it is my calling.I have always wanted to travel, and now I have a purpose to travel. But it is so hard finding an organization because a lot of them are like gospel stuff. Not saying I'm not a Christian, but I don't want to be a part of a mission like that. I know that spreading God's word is something I'm supposed to do, but, honestly, I love you God(and Jesus) but I have no idea how to preach the gospel. I haven't even read the Bible one time through.

Though another thing, why do boys have to be so confusing.. And I'm really bad at this blogging thing